The day in bullet points because I’m sick of paragraphs and all their formalities

Day 4 of a 7 day self-imposed writing challenge to write about my day in less than a thousand words

  • at the coffee shop choose green tea, wonder about the girl with the non-fat milk sticker on her laptop, was she once an almond? does it kill her to see her fellow nuts milked and poured over vegan granola macadamia clusters?
  • make bacon brussel sprouts. I think my oven is a terrorist. the pilot light is itching to blow up more than this appliance.
  • write an eleven page synopsis detailing the details of my next book. it’s very poorly written but it’s written
  • break a glass with my own absentmindedness, cut my pinky finger open (good. the pinky is my least favorite finger)
  • reserve a place for myself in Hell, i.e., CrossFit
  • make a yogurt, kefir, flax meal concoction in the blender because I heard probiotics make you happy. you know what else makes you happy? chardonnay.
  • wonder if legally blonde will be on again tonight. try to decide if that prospect thrills or depresses me
  • at another coffee shop choose another green tea. remind myself anxiety is not worth milky espresso heaven
  • see a girl with Bermuda shorts walk by. wonder if Bermuda shorts are back in or if she’s cool enough not to care about in
  • use the bathroom at the coffee shop and considering stealing their toilet paper, but since I did that last week figure I should just go to target later
  • attend CrossFit, die at CrossFit, come back to life as a girl with a tomato for a face
  • crawl into bed at 9 and try to predict my dreams, they end up being about tempeh which I would never have predicted even if I were clairvoyant, wake up wondering if this is a vegan sign, but alas, it’s no longer today
  • p.s. forgot toilet paper