how not to act

when you’re sad about a break up

  1. decide your ex boyfriend is dead b/c his phone is off which you know b/c you’ve been texting him all day (not delivered) and calling him all night (straight to voicemail) and he hasn’t answered your facebook message or your email or been active on gchat since….yesterday?……FUUUUUUUUUCK CALLING 9-1…
  2. but wait! what about skype?!
  3. so you try to login to skype but you can’t remember your info cause you haven’t skyped since the days of oovo, so you create a brand spanking new skype to finally track that little weasel down only to find out
  4. he is not dead. he called you by mistake 22 hours ago and he’s deliberately not reachable b/c
  5. HE IS MAD AT YOU. THIS IS WHAT SPACE LOOKS LIKE
  6. well shit, I should buy a telescope
  7. no, telescopes are for viewing space, not surviving space
  8. question mark, question mark
  9. that’d be a funny pun if only his name was mark.
  10. actually none of this is funny.
  11. you know how to survive a break up? with a martini and a sundae.

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