List of Things That Have the Potential to Turn Me On

  1. On-sale kombucha
  2. When I snag a parking space that has another parking space ahead of it, allowing me to pull up and avoid the dreaded hassle of backing out of Starbucks
  3. Starbucks
  4. Dreams in which I cast a patronus
  5. Pooping in a public bathroom only to realize there’s only one sheet of toilet paper left only to realize that I only need one sheet of toilet paper
  6. Justin Bieber
  7. Rye bread
  8. Popping a pimple and it hits the mirror
  9. Popping someone else’s pimple and it hits me. lawl, sry
  10. Girls in Levis
  11. Guys in Birkenstocks
  12. How the laundry smells when my mom brings it in from the clothes line (I regret that the word “mom” is on this list)
  13. A new episode of Broad City
  14. When someone orders a glass of milk at the bar
  15. (I’m the only one I know who does that ^ …guess I have the potential to turn myself on)
  16. Writing the fucking dopest sentence and/or reading one
  17. Group-crying in the movie theater (the time I saw The Fault In Our Stars comes to mind)
  18. Rompers
  19. When my boyfriend wears my t-shirts
  20. Jk I want my shit back.
  21.  Eye balling million dollar apartments that I also have a moral quandary with
  22. Sun burns (not the blistering kind)
  23. Stealing brazil nuts from the bulk bins at Whole Foods
  24. Who came up with the saying “turned on?” Frankly it turns me off