90 things i learned from not drinking for 90 days

  1. it is entirely possible to stay too long at the fair
  2. no one can unconvince you of your name if you are not drunk
  3. anxiety is harder to come by without a hangover
  4. there are lots of beautiful wonderful things in the world that have nothing to do with wine
  5. it is entirely possible to have fun with someone when neither of you are inebriated
  6. it is better to be alone than to be with someone you are not compatible with once you take booze and napping out of the equation
  7. some of the beautiful wonderful things in the world that have nothing to do with wine include art museums, though not everything in them will be your taste
  8. other beautiful wonderful things include dogs
  9. books
  10. stars
  11. baths
  12. and other one-syllable delights, like a long uninterrupted fart in your bed
  13. feeling like a kid is not always a juvenile thing
  14. youth does not have to be wasted on the young
  15. when you want to drink you usually want something else that alcohol can’t provide. desire is a sneaky snake with legs and a good falsetto.
  16. it is worthwhile to explore feelings of lack, preferably while wearing pink velvet boots and a nude lip
  17. there are things in life that rob us of our true nature, but trick us into thinking we are better off robbed. these are dangerous things and it is best to mourn them, if necessary, while dumping them down the sink
  18. milk is a perfectly acceptable drink to order at a bar
  19. milk at a bar is probably not organic and you will probably be consuming chemical laden cow puss
  20. even chemical laden cow puss is less harmful than gin or vodka or sauvignon blanc
  21. it is harder to start things than it is to continue things
  22. your life doesn’t have to reach full catastrophe mode to make a change
  23. not drinking forces you to do other things you like to do
  24. like find places to play ping pong because it is Friday night and you are twelve and have been twelve all along
  25. it is okay to be smug when people talk about the hangover they have that you don’t have, but only for the first ninety days.
  26. afterwards, you should be less smug.
  27. strip the illusions from your life and first you will face a blank sheet of paper.
  28. with time words will appear like “hello”
  29. and “i like when you read me alex dimitrov”
  30. winters are not actually made better with hot toddys.
  31. winters are made better with fires.
  32. ice skating is not an activity that requires booze
  33. neither is writing
  34. neither is falling in love
  35. marshmallows are a good breakfast if roasted over a fire
  36. there is no such thing as too sober for this
  37. there are simply parties you should not be attending
  38. and friendships you should not be keeping
  39. it is easy to see the beginnings of things and hard to have split ends
  40. not drinking probably makes you lose weight unless you replace wine with ice cream. oh well.
  41. friends who love you the right way won’t care that you’re not drinking.
  42. what’s that saying? those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.
  43. 8:30 is not too early to go to bed.
  44. it is very romantic to be a writer who drinks too much until you are miserable in your own delusions and wish you were fourteen again
  45. beyond wasted and getting wasted there’s a pool of clear water. i’ll meet you there.
  46. meanwhile it gets easier
  47. then sometimes it gets hard again
  48. but you’ve never woken up and wished you had a hangover
  49. it’s okay that not drinking includes moments of wanting to drink
  50. most colors are a mix of many colors
  51. you know your true colors
  52. yoga is a good way to feel good without hating yourself later
  53. self-destruction is not inevitable
  54. you are funnier, actually, when you are not drunk
  55. more loveable
  56. more kind
  57. an old woman will say something you need to hear around day seventy nine: that she wishes the drinking age was not so high, as if drinking was something you must grow into instead of something you must grow out of
  58. lots of people do lots of things without drinking
  59. it is not a vinocentric universe after all
  60. though drinking has gotten you into dangerous situations, it does not have to get you into anymore
  61. it is very hard not drinking at 24, like, very fucking hard
  62. but it is not harder than the alternative
  63. learning what is true for you is not always a hallelujah moment with confetti angels and sparkling virgins
  64. there will be tears
  65. and tantrums and ill attended-pity parties
  66. create a good playlist
  67. allow yourself to move and be moved
  68. wait for the moments in the day that are pure and unconflicted and treasurous. they always come eventually.
  69. it is easier to love the people who love you when you also love yourself which is easier when you are not loving the thing that makes you hate yourself
  70. if you have to ask, you probably know the answer
  71. holidays and vacations are 75% less stressful without a hangover
  72. a life spent chasing smoke and mirrors will leave you with lung cancer and a poor reflection of yourself
  73. your feelings will not destroy you the way tequila will
  74. how relieved are you? scale of one to i have my life back
  75. it is better to be yourself than your drunk self
  76. the world is still funny
  77. happy hour can be happier
  78. you feel you deserve more things when you are sober
  79. you are right
  80. but go easy with the shopping. you’re amazing, not 27$ underwear amazing.
  81. relief is not a permanent emotion.
  82. neither is wanting.
  83. we live in a boozy culture
  84. get good at saying no.
  85. you are perfect as you are and you could use a little improvement
  86. say the things to yourself that you want to hear from someone else
  87. i love you, thank you, can i buy you a kombucha?
  88. it feels good to keep a promise with yourself
  89. like you are the richest woman in the world
  90. and you are