I don’t have pockets. The things I carry I hold in my hands, my left hand, because my right has to open doors and things. Reminder: You should never carry more than you can carry, not that this is advice I live by. If I flipped my left palm over and uncurled my fingers (which I wouldn’t do for just anybody) you’d see Cliff Hanger! Read More

Breaking News

A court hearing this morning showed kale facing off against White Suburban Moms in the battle for kale’s only off spring, baby kale. Fighting on behalf of the WSM’s was, Britt Vendt, NYC lawyer known for her successful cases against child labor and child prostitution.

“Kale is an irresponsible parent whose motives can’t be trusted. What loving parent would put their child in the hands of big supermarkets?” Vendt asked. She went on to compare kale to a greedy celebrity trying to make a buck off their kid, “Then recants upon realizing the kid is more famous than they are. Despicable is what it is.” OMG Tell Me More About That Dirty Vegetable

Breaking News

Thirty-seven year old writer Marjorie Black has just announced that her next book, How The Fuck Am I Supposed To Make It As An Artist, will be published on pieces of bark donated by local, libertarian-leaning trees. Instead of being sold, readers will offer her goods and services, like organic heirloom tomatoes and an ombre dye job, in exchange for a pithy account of just what it takes to have it all. More on Tax Evasion