Breaking News

A court hearing this morning showed kale facing off against White Suburban Moms in the battle for kale’s only off spring, baby kale. Fighting on behalf of the WSM’s was, Britt Vendt, NYC lawyer known for her successful cases against child labor and child prostitution.

“Kale is an irresponsible parent whose motives can’t be trusted. What loving parent would put their child in the hands of big supermarkets?” Vendt asked. She went on to compare kale to a greedy celebrity trying to make a buck off their kid, “Then recants upon realizing the kid is more famous than they are. Despicable is what it is.” OMG Tell Me More About That Dirty Vegetable

Breaking News

Thirty-seven year old writer Marjorie Black has just announced that her next book, How The Fuck Am I Supposed To Make It As An Artist, will be published on pieces of bark donated by local, libertarian-leaning trees. Instead of being sold, readers will offer her goods and services, like organic heirloom tomatoes and an ombre dye job, in exchange for a pithy account of just what it takes to have it all. More on Tax Evasion

Prompt

Underlying belief behind doing prompts: writers have to practice even harder than professional athletes, and for much less clout. If you want to join in, share your writing below. (Fuck the prompt is always a prompt). 

But first can I ask who I’m talking to? No? But I’ve always wanted to love an alien! Alright. It’s yellow. Do you know what that is? People say the sun is yellow but I think they’re wrong. I think they are trying to reduce mystery, which is why I trust science less than wizardry. It’s bright, I’ll tell you that much. No ears but still it hears an Easter wind, the three part call of the morning dove, other bird traffic sounds. I’ll read more cause I’m an alien

Angst

Pastels, chocolate eggs, trying to make everything bunny shaped- it doesn’t make a ton of sense to me. Granted I’m not religious and should probably be more tolerant, but also there are enough Catholics in power that I feel okay making a few off-color Easter jokes. (Was that a pun? Or a stretching pun? Should we have more categories for puns?) Bad Christians read on